Dear Anon,

I can’t decide whether the series of messages you sent me the other day were meant in jest but just in case you were reaching out to me seriously, hoping to make some sort of human connection in the midst of the internet void, I’m going to respond assuming that you truly did want my opinion on the feelings that you have been dealing with.

Resentment in relationships tends to stem from feelings of one sidedness. But the thing with loving another creature is that it doesn’t have to be returned in kind. We can love fully and heartily without expecting the other to show their love in the same way. Maybe really truly loving means that your fulfillment comes from the pleasure you know that you’re giving to them. Can you find joy in the feeling of being needed?

It is also perfectly okay to decide that your needs are not being met and seeking out an alternative. Know when to take space. Learn how to say no. Prioritize your needs.

But it sounds to me more like unnecessary jealousy. If what you want is to “see someone giving” then do it. Live it. But don’t do it because you feel like you’re supposed to or out of obligation. This system of checks and balances isn’t love, it’s an excuse to pat yourself on the back for being a martyr. And that’s not an attractive trait. So learn to love the act of giving, find the beauty in making someone else feel good. Better to learn this now with a cat than in the relationship you seem to so badly want.